2/4/2024 0 Comments A personal inventory![]() I was rejected and criticised constantly when growing up by my parents, which has resulted in a defensive attitude and sensitivity towards perceived criticism, disapproval and social rejection from others.Ĭhildhood developmental difficulties which have resulted in my chronic emotional insecurity are well summarized in this quote by Abraham Maslow. I personally struggle with resentments quite often where other people are concerned, mainly due to my own feelings of self-centred insecurity and low self-esteem. ![]() Also, being free from resentment is beneficial for our health and wellbeing, mentally, emotionally and physically. Resentment not only affects the holder, but also their relationships with others. However, if possible, it’s worth practising forgiveness as we benefit from doing so in various ways, such as freedom from negative feelings and the distress that these cause to ourselves and to others in our lives. Depending upon the nature and degree of injustice, this can be a very difficult, if not impossible process to achieve for some people. It’s making a conscious decision to do this and to keep practising this attitude. Forgiveness is the process of letting go of hurt and bitter feelings towards another for a perceived injustice, and wishing them well. 94 – 95)Īn empathic attitude, if we are able, is of vital importance in developing forgiveness for wrongs done towards us. Such a radical change in our outlook will take time, maybe a lot of time. It will become more and more evident as we go forward that it is pointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who, like us, are suffering from the pains of growing up. Not wanting to cause offence or any further injury to people who’ve suffered grave injustice, abuse or tragic loss, which quite often requires professional counselling and is generally outside of my experience for this essay, I have found the following lines helpful in dealing with more common, everyday resentments and hurts.įinally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means. ![]() What about when we have considered our part in the problem, but cannot identify how we have contributed to the other person’s behaviour, or been at fault ourselves, and we have been unfairly treated or abused by another? Working through the above process quite often takes time and determination, and also a willingness to persevere with painful feelings. Making the effort to try and understand the other person’s feelings and possible reasons for their actions, even if they haven’t communicated them, is important in the process of acceptance – which is necessary in terms of resolving negative feelings. However, we may need some time in order to let feelings subside to a degree before we are able to attempt this process. The practice of looking to our part in the situation first, quite often helps us to better understand the other person’s behaviour. As a result we can fail to empathise and understand the other’s position and their experience of events. Needing to consider our part in the other person’s behaviour, and being willing to make amends if appropriate, is often quite difficult to realise, as we can be blinded and consumed by our own feelings of hurt, injustice and righteous anger. It also helps me to consider how my actions may have contributed to the other person’s behaviour in the first place. ![]() It helps to look at the cause of resentments and the effect upon my ego and my responses. I’ve found these Steps and this method of breaking down my resentments in order to identify and understand them better very helpful tools in the process of overcoming and letting go of them. Step Ten suggests the ongoing daily practise of this moral inventory and the humility to admit when we are wrong to others. The book goes on to outline the moral inventory process of Step Four and offers examples of listing and identifying the cause and effects of resentments. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else.” (p. “Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations. In the book Alcoholics Anonymous, it suggests that resentment is the number one manifestation of self/ego.
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